by Amanda Ridings

Three tenets for dialogue.

At its heart, my recent book, Approaching Difference Differently , is an invitation to transform the way we engage with difference in our conversations. This, in the words of CSA’s founder, Edna Murdoch, ‘is surely the topic of the moment, relevant not only to business leaders, coaches and supervisors, but also to our fractured global society.’ 

Conversations are the very stuff of coaching and supervision – they underpin the working alliance between coach and client. In the language of dialogue, each conversation plays a part in establishing and maintaining a ‘container’, or holding space, for the client work. Difference is inevitable in any working alliance, showing up in forms such as dissimilar backgrounds, culture, language and/or professional stance. It can also be present in personal styles, drivers and/or interests. Often, such differences enrich our client work – and, sometimes, they’re the root of what we take to supervision. 

So, what might support us to create the conditions in which differences can be skilfully held? In this article, I’ll outline the three tenets that have come to underpin my dialogue work, each representing a theme from William Isaacs’ book, Dialogue and the Art of Thinking Together. The tenets may seem familiar – you may know them in other guises. They are:

• We are the method
• Consciously holding a container
• Entry is everything

In Approaching Difference Differently, I explore each tenet in depth. Here, I’ll try to capture their essence, and then invite you to find your own expression of them. 

Tenet 1: We are the method

No separate, mysterious set of rules and techniques guarantees that dialogue will occur. There’s no ‘method’ that’s distinct from what unfolds through the people in a conversation. Dialogue is co-created in the way each of us carries ourselves and relates to others: how we handle ourselves matters. 

Tenet 2: Consciously holding a container

The conditions, or container, for a conversation form collectively. In dialogue, we make this process conscious, so that the energies of difference can be held and differences explored. Each person plays a part in establishing and holding the shared space – stewardship of this (how a conversation is held) becomes as important as purpose and content (what’s said). 

Tenet 3: Entry is everything

The way a conversation begins disproportionately affects how it unfolds. The seeds of the whole are sown in the first moments and, in my view, even before that. Each of us brings assumptions, preoccupations and expectations into a conversation and, to start afresh, the way we begin must cut through them.

Further, in Approaching Difference Differently, I propose that ‘everything is entry’. Each intervention we make – especially as a coach or supervisor – is a form of entry into a conversation: it can settle, disrupt, contain, reform, reinforce, confront and/or otherwise influence the shape and quality of what’s unfolding. 

The tenets are interdependent and I’ve set them out in a way that reflects my belief that it’s embodying dialogue practices that makes the most difference to our conversations. When we begin with ‘self’, we realise that the way we show up influences the climate for a conversation (the container). This invites us to be mindful of all that we say and do, as each intervention sets something in motion. 

In the book, at regular intervals, I invite the reader to make their own sense of what they’re reading, saying ‘over to you …’. And so …